


Dear Guardian

by Natasi (SwordDraconis113)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Difference, Declarations Of Love, F/F, Foster Care, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Rebel Child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 19:30:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4404509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwordDraconis113/pseuds/Natasi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were given to me on my seventeenth birthday when I was ruled by the court as ‘unruly’ and ‘disruptive to society’. You were meant to be a replacement ‘mother figure’. I resented you. You were not my mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Guardian

**Author's Note:**

> Entered to be published for gender and sexuality. I strongly doubt it'll get in, but hey, at least this way I show something I was really proud of, yeah?

Dear Guardian,

You were given to me on my seventeenth birthday when I was ruled by the court as ‘unruly’ and ‘disruptive to society’. You were meant to be a replacement ‘mother figure’. I resented you. You were not my mother.

You were a _being._ A rude, unforgivable being who spoke to me only when I had a question. You gave no warmth, no hand on my shoulder or comforting words in the most horrific time of my life. I misread this as evidence for cruel, spiteful acts. I did not know you as I do now, and for that, I hope you can forgive me.

You did not want me as I did not want you, but you took me. You taught me, guided me and refused to allow my temper to affect yours, though I am still unsure as to how.

Do you remember the first spring we shared? The garden we worked on, that you _made_ me work in weekend after weekend with you. It finally began to sprout the flower buds I’d planted. There were butterflies and ladybugs and little worms that I fished out of water and back into the dirt. I remember, because it was the first time I saw you smile at me. We were covered in dirt and I was a mess and you smiled as if it didn’t matter. You told me I was good, that I was going to be okay.

I didn’t believe you.

I still missed my mother. You let me write her a letter in the autumn when I got my first ‘B’ in class. I’d written her many I couldn’t send – her address had moved after the incident – but you found her. I disposed of all the angry letters, all the spiteful ones I wrote and I know you read them all. I left them for you to.  

I told my mother about you, about the garden and how spring was different there then it was where I grew up. I found that first letter I wrote to her, the other day. She kept all my letters. Looking at it now I should have noticed then what I knew now.

I was nineteen when I fell in starstruck lust. She had blonde hair and blue eyes with freckles across her nose. I still ache when I think about her. I brought her to you, to show you I was okay, I could be by myself now – though I had no job, no money to support me and nowhere to live except with you. You didn’t like her, I remember that now. At the time I thought it was because she was a girl, I thought it was because of the beer or the swearing, how I seemed to backtrack with a girl who wasn’t bad, just broken. The fact is that I thought of so many excuses because I couldn’t bear the truth about why.

Not because of what it meant for you. You and I both know that my world is very small around me, I care little for that what doesn’t affect me directly or doesn’t occur to me at all. Had I know what it meant for you, maybe I would have been careful.

But I wasn’t.

You were always there to hold me together when I didn’t notice. To put the pieces of me back one by one. You’d stop me from shattering again, you’d give me the boundaries I needed and never had.

I moved out at twenty, do you remember? My first apartment that you moved me into. We’d known each other for roughly over two and a half years. When you left, leaving me with my boxes to unpack, my roommates staring, laughing as they teased me, I knew.

I knew what I’ve always known since that day I saw your smile.

I love you, I love you irrevocably, and terribly so. I love you, but I can not have you, as you were simply a guardian, and I was your ward to keep safe.

You kept me safe, and I understand now why you won’t answer my phone calls. I’m twenty-six and you’re afraid that you’ll run out of excuses for why we can not. It’s okay, I understand. But I don’t care for your excuses any more.

I love you, let the world hear it or don’t. But you are apart of the very small world I care about. I love you and I’m yours.

 


End file.
